It took me talking to my therapist and having a depression episode happen to me in the same day for me to figure it out, but I finally figured out how depression happens to me. I'm still a little foggy but here's what I've discovered.
For as
long as I can remember I would always have a good period of time and
then some small thing would send me reeling but I never knew why. But
with the help of my therapist I think I know why it happens now.
Basically
the best analogy I can think of that describes it is I'm climbing up a
very steep rock face, and I keep taking step after step, these steps
representing the good things that happen to me and my perception of
them, and as I take each step I feel better about the overall
enterprise and start to focus less on keeping myself safe and more on
the sheer enjoyment of these moments, in essence I let my guard down, I
get caught up in the good times to a point where I fail to protect
myself. Then when my guard is down something happens; perhaps a gust of
wind, or a loose rock in my foot hold and I slip and go plunging in to
the abyss.
First of all, am I interpreting this right? And secondly if I am what can I do about it? My best idea so far is to try somehow to temper my perception of the good things that happen to me, to try to not get so excited over things that are good, but not great.
Like, there's this girl I'm in to, and before I came to this realization whenever I would have a good conversation with her or make her laugh I'd feel really good about myself, but I think I took it a little too far and got a bit delusional. Thinking that I was making a lot more progress than I was because of how I felt about her. To her it was just a conversation with a friend, but to me it was a step closer to me being with her. And I think I need to learn to be more realistic.
Any guidance that can be offered would be appreciated.
