my biggest fears are to lose control and fall into chaos. when I have episdoes of depression, I cannot control my thoughts. it's a mind-storm that is happening in my brain. then I hope everything will be OK someday, I'll manage to get it through. the last time I had a depression epidose, I was controlling my appetite, I had thoughts like- I cannot eat, I will starve etc. and scared to death.
Now I eat and it's OK but still in the deepest part of me there are these deepest fears that I fear to lose control over my thoughts.
I go to psychoterapist and I know that it is because i like to control things and if I cannot control the wprld, I control myself. I cannot take a responsibility of myself and rely on myself. How to learn it? The answer is only in me and it scares also...
