Hi Lilblue,
I'm glad I found this site.
Wow, your description of your typical day of depression sounds almost exactly like mine. It seems like the only way for me to stop the undefined, wrenching pain of depression is to sleep it off. Then, once I wake up a few hours later, I feel mentally paralyzed and exhausted to the point where I cannot seem to move myself out of bed.
One thing I realize time and again is that once I actually get outside this **** apartment door of mine, I almost always feel well enough to at least accomplish a few things. The pain still lingers all day long, though. Two nights ago, by some miracle I got myself to go running for the first time in about a month, knowing that exercise is a cure. I was glad to be running and it did make me feel better, but the whole time I was running I had this terrible scowl on my face that seems to have permanently planted itself there.
The thing I've noticed in the past is that some kind of physical activity, whether its playing drums or running or whatever, definitely helps a lot. The problem is that it takes a long time to kick in. Not until an hour or two into exercising do I start feeling ok.
Half the problem is getting outside the door. Like right now :)
Errrrrrrrghhh I am trying to move this unmoveable 1000 pound weight in my heart.