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Took a Hard Fall

for 13 år siden 0 +0 / -0 2508

Debora,

I know this is hard but I am sure you can do it..Maybe one of the Educators will sign in and give you some pointers too. Raising children especially one with special needs has to be very challenging for you and your husband..Maybe the two of you can talk about the situation and come up with a plan for tonight..Keeping a united front helps..

Well my ulcerative colitis has been acting up for a couple of weeks now so I am going to have to go for now and rest..

Talk to again when I can..

Red...

for 13 år siden 0 +0 / -0 542

Thank you Red,

I have not had an attack for awhile but today its coming SO close! I am scared! I am having all those old horrible symptoms not only my stomach but left arm pain chest discomfort and shakiness, I am so close to an attack right now I just know it! I just took a half of klonopin and am trying to breathe, and think its not a heart attack or panic attack, my husband does NOT want to go out tonight but my son keeps pushing and pushing and he always seems to break him down. I am so afraid of a panic or heart attack right now, I have been doing better and I dont want to relapse, SUNNY said to do some box breathing {I miss her} so I will try, thank you Red for you're concern I hope you are having a good day Red, I am going to try to calm myself and write back.

for 13 år siden 0 +0 / -0 2508

Hi Debora,

I can see why you would be sick with worry. No one should be driving around after drinking a few beers..I wish you luck with this whole situation that is going on in your home...

Red....

for 13 år siden 0 +0 / -0 542

Hi Everyone,

I am sorry I wanted to write yesterday but we have had horrible storms and rain for 2 days and even lost power a few times and the computer went down, I missed you all. I read all you're replies and Thank you they make so much sense. I want to do all these things that I mentioned but as Davit mentioned "Can you" and truthfully I don't know? Its one thing to think and want to do them another to get the courage to do them, right now I have to make Doctors appt's and I am afraid to go I have to try to get that out of the way, I have my nurse next week who gives me my meds, I dread the ride, but I have to go its been four months since I saw her, the therapist still comes once every two weeks, he does his best I guess, I wish more.

I feel very very nervous and jittery today, you know like that "sick butterfly nacous feeling" in the pit of you're stomach? no appetite, I don't know WHY I am so nervous, I thought the longer without an attack the better I would feel, I guess its going to take more time, I try so hard not too dwell on the symptoms, and that works sometimes, not all the time as I wish it.

I think I know why I am panicky tonight. Even through the bad storms are over its still very dark dreary and rainy and cool out, bad weather, they say to stay in if you dont have to go out, and I see why its just a sloppy wet ugly day and slick.

My husband and son want to go to the haunted house tonight, they could not go last night because of the storms, even through its not much better today, I am worried because the roads are slick and dangerous and my husband drank a few beers during the ballgame and its not a good night to go out, JDoe mentioned about me going, if it were a "nice" atmosphere I would, but its a bloody gory scary event, and I know I do NOT need that, I am scared enough already, why scare myself more? I never even went when I felt good and healthy, I just dont like those things! So I think this sick nervous stomach and shakiness stems from the fact that I am going to worry about them on the road tonight and I am going to be alone for several hours feeling sick, I am not going to tell them not to go, they would be mad, its so lousy out through and the roads are bad.

My husband made a comment the other day he said "you just traded the panic attacks for hypocrondria and worry" but what he does not understand is THAT is what caused the attack, thats how this whole mess all started, I did not "trade" anything, thats like trading a broken arm for a broken leg, it makes no sense. I know in my heart {and I am not happy about it} that the "hypocrondria was the first to come, the worst to deal with, and it will be the last to go" that is what I am trying to work on.

I hate this nervous feeling again, I had gotten my appetite back and was happy, I think you all know the feeling, that pit of you're stomach, like you have to sing in front of a thousand people, or give a speech, my nerves hit my tummy a lot.

I do not want to regress so I am trying to stay positive and not worry "let go and let God" Its so hard for me through because my body is so conditioned, and as I age it seems to get worse. But I cannot give up, you got to keep trying and praying!

for 13 år siden 0 +0 / -0 6252

Debora

It is okay to want to have something that is yours. Me and my Lady have different hobbies yet we still have common ground. We do share some common interests. We also have some differences. This is all acceptable. We Garden, but her interest is more flowers and bushes. Mine is fruit and vegetables but we do cross over. We both pick berries, we both make jelly.

I do the heavy tractor work even though she can drive a tractor just because that is how it works out. She helps me plant the garden I planted bulbs this fall. It just works out.

But she does sculpture with clay and stuff. I do woodwork. So far no cross over. We are both retired so house work and cooking and baking are split.

She likes different wine than me so we make both. She has a dog, I have cats. We will share.

Even meals can be quite different.

I make her French bread because I love her and make good bread. She makes us lasagne.

Who ever gets up first makes the coffee.

We live comfortably together without living in each others pocket or getting in the way. We are going to do some building and there will be some stress because we like some things different but it will work out.

You can do things just for you, and they can do things just for them. You need to have a hobby to fill in that time so you don't feel alone. You don't have to do things for them all the time. Do something for you and let them take care of themselves. Have a cup of tea and read a book or watch a movie you want to watch.

My friends live like this. I have friends that live a hundred and fifty miles apart in different provinces. She has a farm, he has an apartment and a business. They spend weekends together. This is extreme, but not uncommon here. Oh and they are married. I imagine they will retire to the farm. She is your age.

There are no hard and fast rules in marriage or relationship. Putting them there is a formula for disaster.

So what would you like to do just for you? Something they don't share. Something you can co alone. Paint? Knit? Jig saw puzzles? Power carving? Wood burning? Best wood burning I ever saw was done by a woman. Fishing? (why not) Bowling? Coffee or wine with friends?

Lots of things you can do just for you. Question is do you think you can.

Davit.

for 13 år siden 0 +0 / -0 1853

So many great questions Red. Debora, I know you are comfortable sharing your thoughts & experiences, I look forward to hearing from you!
Vincenza, Health Educator

for 13 år siden 0 +0 / -0 2508

Debora,

Its sounds like you are on the upswing..You mentioned having a life of your own and that your husband and son have made plans for the weekend..Haunted houses and such..Is it possible that you could go too and maybe get a hot chocolate or hot apple cider there and enjoy that part of it without going into the Haunted house?

You said you have to make a life of your own and have to have something for yourself..This sound like a move in the right direction to me..What would like to do? Something to think about isn't it?

Are there any hobby or craft stores in your area? Are you interested in learning something new? Just for you? A lot of these stores have classes you can take to learn a new craft..Some are just a one time thing..Maybe a Saturday during the day..Or a couple of hours at night..The fabric stores and sewing machine stores also have short little classes also..Maybe a exercise class at the Y..How about going the the library or a book store..

Just think about what you might like to do..Dream a little..Than when find something you want to try and when your husband and son have plans maybe you can have them drop you off at a class and have them pick you up after..Or go on a night when they are not doing anything..Just for you..Since you don't drive then your husband can drop you off and pick you up right..Can he do this for you? Remember this is for you...Debora..You have been a caregiver for years..You deserve this just for you time..and you deserve something just for you too...

Red....

for 13 år siden 0 +0 / -0 542

Hi Davit,

This is the first time I had the computer all day my son has been on it a lot. You're post really inspired me, you sound so positive, even through things are not going all that great and you are in pain you are still looking ahead and planning and thinking happy good thoughts, one day soon I hope I can "be there" too! I hope you're lady friend can visit and get through the snow, I am originally from Ohio, the Northeast, so I remember how cold it can get, I miss it sometimes, change of seasons. I was thinking of planning a garden, I have to make "a life of my own" Davit, my husband and son are making theirs so I have to have something for myself! I was hoping we could spend quality time over the weekend, but they have a haunted goul haunted house night planned, I don't think I am ready for that, way to scary! I never like it anyway in the past.

Tonight I have a bad headache, and instead of saying its something bad I keep trying too self talk positive, I did not eat much today so thats probably why, I am SO happy to report the panic's and bodily symptoms and depression have lifted, and I am so grateful, I just wish this terrible health anxiety would go away, thats what started this whole cycle the health anxiety, and it "bred and fed" the panic agorophobia etc...... It like the the hypocrondria was the first to start and it looks like the last to go, does that make sense? It started all this so I wish it would just GO! If that could I would be so much better, I am working on it through! I liked that mantra and I am going to use it, thanks for writing me.

for 13 år siden 0 +0 / -0 6252

Hi Debora

I have to go to the store but don't want to because I know it is going to hurt. Last time I had this the screws and pins in my leg were loose but it didn't hurt this bad.

I started the day thinking about anything but this. Thinking happy thoughts. Mostly unrelated things. Like how pretty the trees were with all the snow on them. It is gone now so maybe my lady won't be travelling in it on Saturday. It is supposed to be nice. She has a five hour drive and that could be bad in snow. She won't be alone though. Right now my happy thoughts are about cream for my coffee, ham for my soup and an Eskimo bar for the fun of it. I want to see if there are any leaves left too. They have been falling a lot and it has been windy.

You can see how I could find something bad in all of this but I won't. It is going to be a hobble and shuffle trip.

I think you could do the same. For instance you could think, I only have 3 or 4? days of the curse left. See I can't do that. I don't know when the leg will be better. It could be months.

Isn't there something you can do that you can only do alone? Like prepare a surprise for someone. How about volunteering some time. Would that get your mind off things. Time alone would be a good time to walk. I wish you had a garden. Wish you were here, you could plant my garlic for me.

Instead of tomato you could try honey and garlic and a little basil or oregano. Parmesan is good. And there is ginger toast if your stomach bothers you. Just a little ginger. I put ginger in my French bread. How about "pesto".

I'm sorry about one thing. Butter is still better. I don't like the substitutes and my Arthritis hates them.

I have a medication that gives me that same feeling you get. It is hard to fight it but I do with my Mantra. It goes. "yes I know you are there, yes I know you are looking for attention, go away now please, I am busy ". It helps.

One advantage to being alone is that you can sing and no one hears you. Singing is a distraction.

Off to the store now and I might sing all the way.

Davit.

for 13 år siden 0 +0 / -0 542

Hi Davit,

I am sorry you are in so much pain. I hope the muscle relaxlants help, I hear you should eat something with them so that is good you are having some spagetti, I love pasta but the tomatoe sauce does not agree with me so I just usually eat it with some dried parm cheese and diet butter, I love pasta but its got to be bland, at one time I could eat it with tom sauce but no longer I guess.

I woke up this morning with that "dreaded morning feeling" which usually means an attack will come and I am SO hoping I am wrong, its kind of like a "butterfly nauscous hollow feeling" in the pit of my stomach, like fear I guess, trying not to dwell or think about it, as I said this time of month is never ever good for me and all the old symptoms come, wish I could move up the clock 3 or 4 days but I cannot. You seem to manage and do well when you are alone, at one time I use to LOVE to be alone, I so enjoyed it, no longer, perhaps one day I will again. I better get use to it because I am going to be alone a lot.

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