Hello everyone. I have not been on in over a month.
I have been feeling mostly good, but with a few bad moments.
Last Monday I was in a meeting at my job about a new training. (I work for an online travel company).
I frequently have problems at work when we're in a meeting and I can't leave. This gives the impression that I am trapped in some way when the easiest thing to do would be to excuse myself and say I have to use the bathroom. That one worked in high school. :)
But I never do this. I would usually take a half or a while diazepam before the meeting and nothing bad would happen. Lately I have been taking less, by choice, and have had mostly good results. I feel more energetic and less bogged down by the drug.
But this time I did not take anything before the meeting and started having anxiety and got the hot flush feeling and started squirming in my chair, and shifting, etc. You know the drill.
The anxiety I had was mostly about the size of the universe and all that. My thoughts ran away in my head and the lasting effects went into when I went back to my desk and worked the rest of the day. I eventually started having panic and took a half and then the other half of the diazepam. This has me thinking maybe I should not have tried to play the hero and taken it before.
Anyway, has anyone experienced this type of thing? I have in the past as well and then you have a few "normal" weeks and you think you're free of everything, and then it comes back, like it always does, and remains you that you have panic, anxiety and depression.
These experiences also lead to a feeling like... Am I really here? When will it end.
And, of course, my main fear is mortality as I have mentioned in previous threads, and that one always seems to find its way back even though I tought that fear was long gone.
OK, I am done with another venting session. Feel free to ad to my topic.
Thanks for reading,
David
