Hi Duffy1218,
I really relate to what you said. I used to work at a group home where I would spend over half the week, and as soon as I got off work Sun morning, I felt justified in drinking to my heart's content. It wasn't every day, but I certainly made it worth my while. Lately I've been drinking quite a bit on Fri nights, as my job requires me to wake up very early throughout the week, and I at least have enough control at this point to not risk jeopardizing my work. I don't always drink after I get home either; some nights I might have 1 or 2 beers (or at least I start out with the intention of having that many, then I somehow wind up having had 4-5). Again, it's not every night though and the days when I don't drink aren't a struggle to get through, or anything like that, which I guess is why I still consider myself a "problem" drinker, or alcohol abuser. I don't feel physically dependent on alcohol, in other words, but I do tend to overdue it at times. Then again, I'm never mean, or cruel, or crass, so no one's ever really complained about my drinking. Which is another justification for continuing to do it. Still, I hate waking up feeling horrible, like I've killed off all my brain cells, and the mere fact that I can't seem to control it at times is enough to terrify me into wanting to at least moderate, if not quit altogether. My goal for now is no more than 2-4 drinks, 1-2 nights per week, if not total abstinence. And no more liquor. I'm seem to do okay with beer/wine. In other words, I can still drink a ton, but at least remember going to bed that night, whereas liquor seems to erase any memory by the end of the night, and I wake up feeling panicked. Anyway, thanks for sharing and I really hope anything I may have said is helpful to you as well.
