Well, when I realize that what I've been depending on is not a person or even much of a thing, but a piece of paper with dried leaves rolled up in it, I realize that there wasn't anything there really. And what was there was slowly ruining my health and would eventually kill me.
There is anger there at the addiction, which keeps me focussed on quitting. The mourning part I'm not afraid of. It's about the fact that I didn't have other kinds of support when I needed it. But that is something I'm used to dealing with.
I have become more inspired to seek out support that is genuine. Also realize that sometimes the feelings will happen and they will wash by like a wave so if I just relax and wait it out, I don't even need outside support. I can support myself instead by realizing that things are temporary and won't be too much to handle. That it's all toward a health goal. And it's okay to have feelings about things as they change.
Yes, the feeling of losing a friend when giving up cigarettes is a fairly common one from what I read on the forums. Smoking has been part of your identity for a number of years and, as you described, acted as a glue throughout challenging times. Without cigarettes now there may be a sense of loss or perhaps incompleteness.
It sounds like this realization and understanding has given you a lot more strength to pursue this 'new life' smoke-free. How has it influenced your quit or your mindset when you have a strong urge to smoke?
Hello island I started smoking at age eleven and everything I did for the next forty plus years after that I did with a cigarette in my mouth. It was my life. You'll notice that I said was because it isn't anymore. Mourn the loss and move on. What we're talking about here is a life that's better than any life as a smoker could be. Of course the emotions are powerful as is the addiction itself powerful. I wish that there were an easier way but we do need to go through all the stages to heal. Quitting smoking has been likened to losing a best freind. We can't afford to be confused about this though. Smoking is no freind. A freind doesn't take your life or leave you attached to an oxygen bottle because you're fighting to breathe. Pain shared is pain halved the way I see it. So yes quitting is giving up your past to a certain extent. People , places and playthings. Anything that relates to the addiction has to go ( in the short term at least ) in order to get well and strong as you say. We are a resiliant lot and where there's a will we'll find a way. It's the emotional roller coaster. Welcome to the ride. On the positive side the coaster won't kill us but the addiction might. Excellent for you for quitting smoking. Be proud of yourself as we are of you. breather
I realized today in a powerful way something that I thought I knew, but you know how you find out things at an emotional level even when you thought you already knew them? It's like that.
Giving up smoking is giving up my past to some extent. Parts of myself that were glued together by cigarettes, hard times that seemed to only be mended by smoking. Then there is a deeper history. My mother smoked, even during pregnancies, and she was a very aloof and abandoning mother so the smell of smoke is really all I have to relate to.
As I give up this part of my life, I'm starting to feel a sense of loss that I never had before. I'm giving up a maternal entity, no matter how phantasmatic it was for me. I'm also giving up parts of myself. I want to, don't get me wrong, but I wonder about the process and if other feel like I do. Perhaps the sense of loss is also for my innocent self who didn't know any better or was just trying to get through. I don't have all the answers, but I do know that it is not a simple thing. And mourning is necessary for certain changes, that mourning is not always pleasant. But you have to go through the stages to be well and strong again.
I wonder if people have compared giving up smoking to mourning and the losses that result.
