Todash: Your post touched me -- so beautifully written. You are much more self-aware than you may realize. I agree with you that smoking was always a great way to hide from emotions, conflict, the world in general.
Quitting means having to face all that and having to be reborn. It has been a stressful experience, but not without joy, either. I'm really beginning to like the new nonsmoking me. I'm actually OFF antidepressant/anti-anxiety medication for the first time in years and maybe I'm crazy, but I feel pretty darn good about myself and I feel STRONG! That's a new one for me. It will take some getting used to, but I like it!
Ride the waves, Todash, even the ones when you can't see through the cloudy water to see what's beneath it. You may be very pleasantly surprised once you dive in! And I think you'll love the person who emerges.
As for the cough, I was hacking and gagging before my quit -- on the verge of emphysema. Since about two weeks into my quit, I NEVER cough. I'm walking every day and while I sometimes get a little short of breath on the uphill parts, I'm breathing very, very well and still don't cough. That's a GOOD thing, don't you think?
Keep up your wonderful quit -- and keep the faith!
[B]My Milage:[/B]
[B]My Quit Date: [/B] 10/8/2006
[B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 123
[B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 4,955
[B]Amount Saved:[/B] $984
[B]Life Gained:[/B]
[B]Days:[/B] 16 [B]Hrs:[/B] 4 [B]Mins:[/B] 52 [B]Seconds:[/B] 33