oh frick, buddy...can u get on im? version 6? i'm not home, i dont have your number with me. I am so sorry you felt so bad tonight. And i'm also glad you drowned the rest of the pack and felt like crap after smoking just one. Up to you what you want to do with the quit meter, but it is just a slip. Im gonna open up yahoo too. Hope youre still around [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]3/22/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 279 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 11,160 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $1,897.20 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 38 [B]Hrs:[/B] 20 [B]Mins:[/B] 52 [B]Seconds:[/B] 56

Sorry, double post. Slow internet. [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]5/13/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 227 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 4,540 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $2,497.00 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 22 [B]Hrs:[/B] 16 [B]Mins:[/B] 53 [B]Seconds:[/B] 31

OMG. I slipped. I had a lovely Christmas dinner with Tracy's family. This was the first year since I came back from up North that I could afford gifts for Tracy & her girls, her dad & stepmom were here from Saskatchewan, and it was a wonderful evening with people who I know think of me as family and there wasn't a reason in the world for me to feel anything but accepted and as if I belonged. Except I didn't. The old foster child feeling came back, the old using someone else's family, Christmas orphan, and the only way I could think to make it go away was to smoke. So I bought a pack & smoked one on the way home. I drowned the rest and I'm so glad I did. It didn't help, it didn't change anything. It just made me mad at myself, gave me a headache & made me feel nauseous. It made me feel even more alone & pathetic, truth be told, because Tracy's family has been so behind me & has counted the days with me. They would, to a person, Tracy & Murray, kids & dad & stepmom, feel so awful if they knew I left their house & smoked. I'm resetting my meter & starting over again. I'm reviewing my reasons, revisiting my coping strategies, and reaching out to my quit buddies. I thought I had it beaten, I thought I was OK and I knew how to recognize all the triggers and seduction tricks of the demon lover nic. Ha! That's what I get for thinking. Tomorrow, I have to go to my brother's house for Boxing Day afternoon & if I couldn't get through a dinner with people I love & who love me, how will I ever get through that? Please help me, quit buddies. I know all the things I need to know to not smoke, but please tell me anyway. Please be with me and help me to remember that smoking will not make anything better, it will not make my brother less of a jerk, it will not make my family whole, it will do nothing but disappoint the people who matter, myself included, and set me up for another affair with the lover who will kill me if he can. [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]5/13/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 227 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 4,540 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $2,497.00 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 22 [B]Hrs:[/B] 16 [B]Mins:[/B] 53 [B]Seconds:[/B] 27