Al, I really understand your problem(s).
I have been dealing with panic, anxiety, depression for over 20 years now. I am sure I had it before, but just did not know.
I am currently going through what I call a "mini cycle."
I've been on meds for nearly 20 years. I am off them now, but use valium.
I have had just about every thought I can think of. Many thoughts became obsessive for me. Not fun at all.
I'd even get songs stuck in my head. Songs that I love, but began to hate because they would not go away.
I've had thoughts of cancer, terrorism, people I know wanting to harm me, being very very small, lack of balance, feelings of worthlessness. All this in 20 plus years of dealing with anxiety. You name it.
I am 38 years old now. I say all this because I have survived it all and you will too. It gets pretty hard sometimes, but each day you beat it is another victory.
I have succeeded beyond places I never thought I would and I'm not done yet.
I am dealing with some tough times right now and I'll get through that too. Keep your support system. It's always good to have people around or nearby who know what you deal with. I do not have too many of those in my life, but through the Internet they're only a click away.
I dated a girl who was agorophobic and one who also would cut herself. I got s scared that I stopped seing her. I feared I would get worse again. I felt really bad, but it's just something I had to do. Shame too because she was nice.
Good luck and keep in touch.
David
