Hi runner, things are going quite well. I've been keeping myself busy with the kids, one of my boys turned 12 today, and with gardening. The weather here in maryland has been great, so I've been outside alot planting flowers. I hope things are going good for you. How's your wife feeling? I hope her treatment is not making her to ill.I fortunately, am able to keep the anxiety at bay most of the time now. I have mastered the ability to replace negative thoughts with positive ones. At least I think I have mastered it, I'd better knock on some wood! I never realized how often I think about thinks that I shouldn't. Somehow I was trained or trained myself at sometime or another to always think the worse about everything. I never even knew I was doing it until recently. Like for instance when I was pregnant with my children and people would look at me, I would think they are looking at me because I was huge and bloated and wobbled around. I would immediately become self conscious and not want to go out in public. Once I commented on it to my husband and he said why do you always assume the worse? Did you ever think maybe people are looking at you because you are glowing and beautiful? Or when I do something like decorating in my home or landscaping in my yard and people comment on it I automatically start apologizing for how bad it is and I start making excuses to explain why it looks the way it does and people are always saying to me things look great stop being so hard on yourself. Do you know I actually apologized to the doctors and nurses after I gave birth to my children because I wasn't the perfect patient and I actually yelled a few times during the deliveries. I recently began to remember these things and realized how negative and hard on myself I have always been. So now when I start thinking about how I'm not good enough and how I need to be so much better as a person, wife, mother, daughter, christian etc. I stop myself because when I'm constantly beating myself up that's what leads into the anxiety, which leads into the panic, obessessive thoughts and depression. But anyways I didn't mean to ramble on like that, I've just been figuring alot of things out lately and maybe you have some similar issues. Let me know how things are going, and how you've been
