Bump... A wonderful post by Todash
My Mileage:

My Quit Date: 10/5/2009
Smoke-Free Days: 275
Cigarettes Not Smoked: 9,625
Amount Saved: $1,251.25
Life Gained:
Days: 26 Hrs: 3 Mins: 41 Seconds: 16

Ah jeez, what a whirlwind.

Most days I stay away from this board b/c most days it's been easy as pie to be a big fat quitter. Go figure. 20 years gone, 39 days recovered.  I'm just learning to be an adult who doesn't smoke.  I don't know what that's like - the last time I was a non smoker I was barely a teenager, barely pubescent.  And what did I do with that portion of my life?  Sold my soul to the Nic patrol.  A walloping eye opener.  Mark me with the sign of the 'L', thank you very much.

When I smoked, NO ONE out on the street smoked.  Now, EVERY bloody person smokes.  I look at them in pity.  I look at them and think 'I'm so freaking glad I've quit already, it's not something I HAVE to do anymore.  I've DONE it.  Guilt, get the hell out of my head please and thank you.'

So now I'm a quitter there's plenty of time to think.  (And how TOTALLY bizarre that I actually notice my surroundings more now, since I'm not perenially busy lighting up and crushing out.)

And here be emotions.  Leaving the fog of 20 years of pacification, two decades of distraction, er..you don't exactly learn how to handle emotions well being a smoker.

When I was about 10 years old I was fervently anti-smoking.  I was convinced I'd never smoke, that I was allergic to smoke, it was disgusting, foul, you name it, I didn't want any of it.  Mom and Dad smoked, older brother was about to begin.  But me?  Don't kid yourself.

When I was 15, everything sucked.  My parents were on the edge of divorce after years of a mad, chaotic home life.  I spoke to no one, locked myself in my room and played solitaire.  I had no friends from school because I had been bullied forever.  But lucky me, I started finding friends from elsewhere, new ideas, new influences.  Their contribution?

An escape from dealing with the crap emotions and whaddayaknow?  Cigarettes.

The rush, the hit, the kick, the slap in the face.  The high, the blast, the addiction that made me not give a toss about everyone else.  Divorce?  Who cares, light er up.  Bullying?  Ya right, I'm cool now, where's the matches?

The ability to deal with a single
lousy
emotion?

Gone.

So here am I, approaching a 4_ in my stats (holy crap!) No one I know believes I've done it, they're all stunned, shocked, proud.  And they all still smoke.  Ah, bless em.  They'll figure it out one day.

So yeah, I've suddenly discovered what an emotion is.  Now I didn't really know how to define the term when I started on the evil weed, and it's now feeling a bit like I was encased in ice for 20 years, I'm Judge Dredd, 'I am the law', I'm suddenly THAWED out baby, and I don't quite get what I'm supposed to do when these emotions pop up, clear as a bell, bright as a blue sky, no formaldehyde cloud of poison in my eyeballs keeping my view clear of them.

Emotions?  What are the-

AAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Whoa Nelly, stop the world I wanna get off. As it plays out...

...To have busted my hump exercising since July, to have lost 12 pounds and suddenly found five again just by quitting smoking.  No change in exercise or diet.  Rage.

...To realise all those little niggly things in my 5 year marriage are a bit more than niggly.  Fear, panic.

...To know those things aren't 'deal breakers', they're all stupid nonsense that can be worked out - and quick - because I've suddenly learned how to have that calm, reasoned conversation, that debate that always makes sense.  Joy.  Relief.

...To accept that the #1 greatest constipation killer (a smoke and a cuppa) is no longer the routine and in doing so accept that I've not "evacuated" properly since last year so I probably should eat some great fibrous stuff like Weetabix (for those not in the know, it's about like eating a shoebox).  Pain.  Self pity like a rainbow of fire.

...To know that no matter how crap anything gets, I'll never smoke again.  To know Saturday night I'll pull off my last patch and then I'm quit completely.  Pure, unadulterated Bliss.

There, it's off my chest.

Oh wait.

Speaking of chest, I STILL haven't had a decent cough.  I had a nasty cold that miraculously left me in a week (is THAT all it takes to clear off a cold as a non-smoker?  More bliss!) that came with a cough and all, but not THE cough.  I still feel like a giant overflowing lung on legs.  Sigh.

Peace.  Out.

x Todash
My Milage:

My Quit Date: 1/1/2007
Smoke-Free Days: 1099
Cigarettes Not Smoked: 25,277
Amount Saved: �6,951.18
Life Gained:
Days: 98 Hrs: 1 Mins: 7 Seconds: 52

Afraid the rest of the post went the way of the old SSC! Oh well, that's all part of the journey to becoming a true non-smoker...let the past stay in the past! :) x T [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]1/1/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 320 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 7,360 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] �1,760.00 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 26 [B]Hrs:[/B] 15 [B]Mins:[/B] 42 [B]Seconds:[/B] 16

Wow, Todash, I have no idea how I missed this...other than I probably wasn't ready for it back then. Some of us are way slow learners. Were you able to find the whole original post? I'd love to see it. [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]3/22/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 240 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 9,600 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $1,632.00 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 33 [B]Hrs:[/B] 10 [B]Mins:[/B] 32 [B]Seconds:[/B] 12

Todash, Great post & thanks for bumping it.... I think we may all be able to empathise with you in growing up & facing life way too soon. Maybe we were all self medicating.. just to cope........... [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]8/25/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 83 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 1,660 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $249.00 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 8 [B]Hrs:[/B] 21 [B]Mins:[/B] 13 [B]Seconds:[/B] 51

Bump for Tony...we've all been there, this was how it felt for me. I can tell you that it honestly does get better. Now I get into a situation that previously would have been put out with a cigarette. I can acknowledge it, deal with it and move on. This is freedom. You can do this, you'll love it here. x T PS I'll see if I can't find the end of the first post on my hard drive and tack it back on... [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]1/1/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 318 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 7,314 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] �1,749.00 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 26 [B]Hrs:[/B] 12 [B]Mins:[/B] 1 [B]Seconds:[/B] 28

Changing, glad to spark a laugh for you, there's nothing like it :) And nonic, look at you, that massive 100! Congratulations doesn't describe it, I'm sure I'm not the only one that's proud of you. We're on the same page, you and I it seems. Look inside, speak about it, take back what you get and look some more. Wait, that could be all of us here...we're just a bit...er...noisier than the rest?! ;p Keep on truckin, I'll keep on emoting and writing about it! x T [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 1/1/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 94 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 2,164 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] �517 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 7 [B]Hrs:[/B] 21 [B]Mins:[/B] 59 [B]Seconds:[/B] 34

Todash So happy to see this thread again...It was a real barn burner the first time around and I am glad to see you have added a sequel... So so so happy for you as you approach 100 days...You have earned it and I for one am pleased as punch to offer my congratulations on a job well done... Stay well and keep writing nonic [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 12/25/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 100 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 2,419 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $700 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 18 [B]Hrs:[/B] 17 [B]Mins:[/B] 27 [B]Seconds:[/B] 25

ToDash - Thank you for this post. You made me smile then laugh out loud. You made me think. You made me feel optimistic. Please keep posting! [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 2/24/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 39 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 1,390 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $253.5 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 3 [B]Hrs:[/B] 8 [B]Mins:[/B] 14 [B]Seconds:[/B] 12

Six days to the beach. Seemed like a good time to publicly ponder how �things emotional� have been playing out the last 36 days. So here are �just the facts, ma�am,� warts and all. Fact 1: Emotional Technicolor screams and sleeps. And screams. On and off. Daily. It�s a revelation. It�s a nightmare. It�s exhausting and invigorating. It�s like trying to get a parakeet back in it�s cage to get things under control. Deep breath, get patience ready, whistle a sweet tune and gently shut the door once it�s contained. Fact 2: I�ve discovered I�m a bit of a misanthrope. It�s not that I dislike people in particular, it�s that I dislike artificial, arrogant, backstabbing and manipulative people. Fact 2b: Probably 95% of the people I�ve met in my life sadly seem to fit into one or more of the above categories. Fact 2c: Now that I have no instant escape from these kind of people, no instant off switch for the bitter distaste I feel when encountering such people, I can do nought but think about how greasy I feel in their presence. I want a shower. With a rocket-powered sand blaster. Dried by a blast furnace to burn off the �ick�. Oh, wait, that would hurt ME. Cancel that thought, I think I�ll just have a hot chocolate and make faces at them behind their backs :p Fact 3: I�ve never been so confused. So insecure. So exposed. So paranoid. I hadn�t quite learned how to deal with all these things when I started smoking at 15. It seems I�ve gone straight back to square one. Learning. Learning all the time. Fact 4: I�ve never been so happy. Well, maybe before I started smoking, but that was so freaking long ago, it�s all new again. Really. I�m happy. Except when I�m dealing with individuals referenced herein under Fact 2b. Fact 5: I�ve also never been so blisteringly annoyed. At injustice. At unfairness. At condescension. At rudeness. At impatience. At misunderstanding. But the beach. Ah there she is, shining and grinning at me. I�ve got my kite ready, it�s a giant butterfly, black and blue for the years of agony I�ve put myself through, purple for the queen of my own destiny I have become, yellow for the sunny optimism so long missing from my outlook, and green for spring, the time of rebirth, of new life, of hop