Yes, I think authentic connctions are important to me, I just don't seem to be able to keep any of them. I tried to contact my friend a while ago, but with no reply. I figure I don't want people in my life who can't love and accept me as I am, and if I am depressed, then they need to accept that too. I am not someone who is just there for the good times. I stick by my friends and family through thick and thin and really can't understand why others don't treat me the same.
I guess I feel like I can't talk to my husband because it was so long ago and a while ago when I tried to bring it up, he told mw to 'get over it'. But I can't. I think I may want to have kids with him, but I need to trust he won't let me down again before I can even think about it. I feel maybe because I didn't react properly at the time, that my chance has passed to make him see how much it hurt. I don't know. Is there a specific section I can work through to find my values??
When I was happiest, I felt like I was being myself. I wasn't pretending and didn't feel like I had to. Now I am trying so hard to be good enough by everyone else's standards. I feel like I don't even know who I am, I've been trying to please everyone else for years. I have become so anxious and self conscious and so much less confident, just accepting who I am is hard because I feel like such a failure, and mostly by my own standards, although people are never shy to tell you how you are not good enough. I just feel like I need a break from this tiring and draining thing called life, because every year it just seems to get harder and more complicated....
Rosie