Hello to everyone! I know I've been away for awhile and feel bad about that. I really needed a break from myself.
I don't know if that makes sense but in order to really challenge some of my negativity I had to find a way to break the cycle I had gotten into. I really think that I became so desperate that I began to exhaust myself in my efforts.
Taking a "time out" allowed me to calm myself down a bit and to feel less like everything had to be worked out immediately. I am still having a difficult time but since calming myself there has been some progress. My husband and I are talking a bit more and some positive things have happened. It is still far from better but I'll take progress.
I've also begun to find me in all this. I've come to realize that there are many things that I am responsible for in the mess I am in, but I also realize that I am not responsible for everything. I have also started to forgive myself of some of the things I had previously been beating myself up for. I've asked for forgiveness and made or have begun to make changes in these things. If I am not granted forgiveness - I am not responsible for that. Sometimes there are signs that forgiveness is there but I'm not totally sure. Moreover, I've begun to feel that there are apologies that need to be directed in my direction as well. The things I have learned in the sessions have been helpful and I find myself challenging more now that I'm calmer.
I am not thinking of the above as a success because I am far from that. I think I have made some steps in the right direction and am at least able to write here without that desperateness that I saw in my previous posts here. I think at some point someone wrote that I was actually sabatoging myself. It was a correct assessment but gave me more panic. Making myself stop by stopping everything but what I could handle right then was the only way for me. Good?Bad?, I just know it did help me to refocus.
I've read some of your posts and know I've missed alot so please bear with me. Diva, hang in there, it takes a great deal of patience to work these things out and I think you're doing great. Goofy, I read some of the statements you posted about beliefs and found it very thought provoking. I plan to check in more, but hope to be more focused AND CALMER!
