Hi DonGato and wildcat
Yes, paralysis is my experience as well, especially over the past couple of months. My mind is full and active, but the brain-to-muscle communication seems to have pretty much shut down. :( I did manage to push myself to go to the course I'd signed up for over the weekend, though, a feat for which I'm relieved.
Self-esteem. I have a feeling that we need more than one tool for this. For me, I think healthy self-esteem will be when I can step back and look with pride and contentment at the unique house I've built, and when I can live in it happily without concern for how others might see it or for the parts that aren't, perhaps, as well-built as the rest of it. Not that I won't see the flaws -- I'll see them, accept them, and value them as the bits that make my house truly beautiful and authentic. Hmmm... that sounds like a state of mind worth the effort it's going to take to achieve. :)
It's wonderful that you pushed through your paralysis to volunteer yourself at work. It's these little things that show us that we do actually have some power over ourselves, and that we can call upon it when we try hard enough. Have you got very far in the coursework here? The Thought Records and other tools are specifically for identifying and testing negative thoughts, so try them out if you haven't already. I find it tough to keep the momentum going on my own, so I've also just started a CBT class. Hopefully it will help me to keep pushing until I finally get through this black goo!
Take care
