I think I might know what you mean. It's like, you know you're a good person, and strong and trustworthy, but you can't help but wonder whether other people really think so, even when they tell you it. And then you wonder why they say those things, and why they think those things if they really do mean them, and then you start to wonder why you're even wondering. And you love people and would do anything for them, but you don't really trust them not to hurt you, and you love more the ideal of a person than the person themself because you just can't believe that they would ever really do things that they do. You cant bring yourself to blame them because they were only doing what they thought was best. We may be describing totally different things, I don't know, but that's sort of what I got from what you said, and it's easier for me to talk about how I feel if I'm not actually talking about myself. I'm sorry if I'm way off topic or something. More on topic to this thread, I have no idea what goal to use for session 2. I keep coming up with ideas, but none of them work. They're too general, or not something concrete enough to know when it's been accomplished. They're things like being less critical of myself or not hiding my feelings so much. Are these ok? Can anyone help me come up with something that I can possibly set steps for and fulfill all the other criteria if they're not?

I am very assertive normally, but emotionally, like in relationships, I do tend to give in (parenting, my spouse, etc) and just stp the arguing or the nagging, whatever the scenario. I feel like I don't notice they are taking advantage until months or years down the road when I "wake up" from being "numb" to it. Internal validation, I am not even sure at this point. I have a weird relationship between self confidence and my ego, lol. I don't know how else to put it. I am complimented often, but feel like I struggle with accepting why something is being complimented when I find it easy, or I don't think it's true, depending on the circumstance.

Alikat, Thanks for clarifying. Again, though, these are all forms of external validation. Both that you get from yourself, your accomplishments and others. How do you talk to yourself? (Internal validation) If you feel you're being taken advantage of by others, perhaps learning to be more assertive may be helpful to you? Danielle, Bilingual Support Specialist

Good questions. Insightful. I really do not think I'm looking to be rescued so much as to be allowed to fall once in awhile. I don't get the feeling I can ever be anything but the ROCK. Be it my family, my homelife, my friends, my parents, whomever...I am happiest alone and don't NEED people around me but I NEED to be NEEDED. Does that make sense? I think my whole life I've been needed for something, or needed to be the strong one because no one around me could be. I validate myself with my workouts, with my career accomplishments, with my sporting accomplishments...and my parenting skills. I know those things are valuable and worthy of praise (for me). I don't rely on others to validate my feelings of my feelings of worth. I question that they will use words of worth and praise towards me and take advantage of me like everyone seems to do...so I don't allow others to validate my feelings of myself... I'm talking myself in circles now...argh.

Alikat, Thanks for opening up. One thing in particular struck me about your post though... now, there is absolutely no shame in doing things for others. (What a wonderful friend you must be and how lucky are they to have you!)But why are you waiting to be rescued by someone? Are you happiest doing things for others because that's how you get your validation from others? Where's your internal validation? See, it may not be about giving up caring for others but maybe just as you said taking a long hard look at that lovely person inside and realizing that you are worth it, being your own cheering section and seeing that it's okay to put yourself ahead first sometimes. With regards to the Session goals - your goal can be anything you believe is worthy of your attention. Whether that be being more social to rediscovering yourself. It's up to you. Hope this helps. Danielle - Bilingual Support Specialist

I'm frustrated a little just by session one, lol. I have goals, I'm ALWAYS working towards one...ALWAYS. I write down my feelings in a journal throughout the day - have been doing this for months, even years. I've always worked out and eaten well (goals) and tracked moods during the day to see where I fall and see the patterns for when I eat or crave crappy food or don't feel like exercise...my lows seem to come from nowhere...or maybe just build up for so long that I can't navigate to the point of seeing the pattern...its hit and miss. [b]So is this exercise going to help me?[b] I'm even starting to feel like maybe this is bipolar...no one I've ever seen has given it a name other than "depression"... Only last night did I actually start to pinpoint why I was feeling suicidal...and hellish (out of nowhere again) and feeling like I wanted to bury myself from the world...the only words I could find were those that I spilled out to a friend: [i]My whole life, I've been GO GO GO...why? Because I feel good when I do things for others and I do better when I have new challenges and excitement in my life. Why? Because it's dark inside of me and I can't fix what's wrong with me. So I turn it towards others (friends, kids, family, spouses) and do everything for them and for love of them. I give my ALL to those that know me...I trust, I love, I feel completely, without abandon...and I'm always let down and hurt and abused and used and taken advantage of...and what do I do? I forgive and forgive and forgive. I let go only those that can truly love me and are strong enough to pull me through the dark times. When I can't trust anymore, I stay...I still do stuff for people, I still drop everything for everyone, and I still worry and care and love them...no matter what they've done to me (everyone, including my parents)...this is how I am...these are the patterns of my life. I don't know how to fix what is inside of me. I don't know how to make it better. I am happiest when I am "doing unto others" and yet when I don't I feel guilty, I feel like I'm giving up on them, I feel like I'm weak, I feel like I am doing something wrong, or that I'm going to hell, or that I am somehow being selfish. WHAT ABOUT ME? WHO has ever been strong enough for me? Who has ever been able to see inside of me and help me. I've seen dozens of counsellors...I know what to say to them because I've tried everything, I read everything, I try to fix inside of me and when I think I have, I fall again. WHO will ever look after ME? Who will ever care to find out who I AM when I don't have a ****ing clue because I can't even reach that deep inside of myself to find that person! WHEN IS IT MY TURN? If I am happiest doing wonderful caring things for others...why is that a BAD thing? And if it is, because it's at my own expense, who is there - has ever been there - to reach over and say "hey, your turn to receive for awhile"? I feel dark and broken and alone and misunderstood and and and....[i]

Bump for those who may have questions! Danielle - Bilingual Support Specialist

Mysteriosa, Sometimes you may need to refresh the page. Glad to hear you got everything you needed. Danielle, Bilingual Support Specialist

Danielle, Thanks! I was able to review all the session material and print what I needed today. Maybe there is sometimes a delay between completing the session and when it becomes available? But it's there!

Mysteriosa, Good question! Go into your Session Diary by clicking on the blue icon at the top right corner marked Session Diary. Under the tab: Session Tools and Worksheets, there are samples of how to fill out this sheet. Just click on sample 1, 2, 3, If you still are unsure, please post and we'll help you in anyway we can. To go back and review Session 3, go to your Session Diary, click on the tab marked Program Reference Tool and click on Session three. You can read it again from start to finish at your own pace. Hope this helps. Danielle, Bilingual Support Specialist