trysohard also with regards to becoming a cheerleader captain, you don't have to receive an official rank to become a leader. In organizations there are both official and unofficial leaders. the unofficial leaders, the natural leaders, they have the greatest impact. they are listened to. they are respected and usually they move on to become elected or appointed leaders. bob

trysohard.. i have some bad news for you. math becomes much harder during the next couple of high school years, then perhaps more difficult in college. unless you change your way of thinking you may burn out and then you will have a long hard climb back to the top...i have been through the system with high aspirations. as I wrote before I have two prestigious degrees, but i never utilized them very well because I couldn't handle the pressure. In hindsight I should have focused more on enjoying school and making friends, rather than attaining top grades. No one really cares about grades, they just remember whether you were a jerk or a fun person. I now work in the business world and the level of my math usage is about the tenth grade. All my advanced college math is totally irrelevant. There is a myth that you can do anything if you work hard. i don't believe that. you also have to have talent. Actually i think even more important than hard work or talent is passion. if you love an activity, then you will probably do well at it.success comes in a vast variety of ways for various people. Obviously you aren't achieving your goals. Slow down. Set priorities. Live your life not your parent's lives. You talk about attending college, yet you appear to dislike high school, the studying etc...Why do you want to spend several more years making your life miserable at college? Personally i enjoyed college most when i was there to have a good time. The minute i told myself that i could become a superstar scholar, i started to fall apart from the pressure. I know very wealthy, very fulfilled people who never went to college. be brave enough to change. bob

Wow TrySoHard! lots of people care about you! you came to the right place :) i hope you have a good day today. bella x

It sounds like your mother is very understanding. Keep talking to her. Maybe she is the "friend" you need to trust right now. Relax a little. Face each test one at a time. Do your best on that one. Don't get bogged down with the whole thing at once. If you do your best and can't make the 4.0 then you know you did your best and that is good enough. Accept yourself for what you are. What are your strengths? What do you enjoy? What do people like about you? There are many possibilities in the medical field. If you start out and find that particular area isn't what you want, you should be able to change your direction without too much trouble. You have determination. With that you will lead a successful life. Just remember, while money and position are nice and maybe even necessary, they don't necessarily create happiness and fulfillment. What is important is how you use it.

Hi try so hard, I am sorry that you are feeling so stressed and lonely. I can relate to those feelings. I remeber having high expectations placed on myself by my parents and myself. I now I guess I kind of have them placed on me by my entire family, my friends, my job, my husband, his family. I wish I had some helpful advice for you, but I am feeling pretty bad myself right now. If it makes you feel any better, you can still get into a great college regardless of your grades and/or test scores. Many colleges weight their entrance criteria more on the personal essays and/or interviews. I feel sure that that aspect of your life will work out fine. I would worry more about the relationship with your parents and finding out who you are, what you love/enjoy, and stuff like that. And, just so you believe what I am saying, I will give you some actual numbers. I am 29 and have a Bachelor's Degree (4yrs.), and a Master's Degree (2yrs.), both from accredited colleges, and currently make around 50K/yr. I only scored a 1010 on my SAT and was given an academic scholorship to the first school. I can't remember what my high school GPA was, but I'm sure it was like a high B/low A average. I scored like 510 math/490 verbal/and 620 analytic on my GRE, had a 2.8 undergraduate GPA and graduated from my masters program with a 3.8 GPA. So, trust me, your academic career with turn out just fine with the track you are on. Teachers and parents always try to scare you when it comes to that stuff. Even if you have made some mistakes, or will make mistakes, there are always options in that area.

Lusa: What are your goals? My goals are to get into a good college and lead a successful life. What do you want to do? I don't know what I want to do, but I'll probably end up in the medical field because my parents want me to. Why are you where you are? I don't know where I am... Grade-wise, I don't know why, but I am starting to stress about exams, I was good with them, I mean, tests didn't scare me at all, but now there are just so much on the line. What will make you happy? Whatever makes my parents happy, get good grades, score 2100 and above on the SATs, 32 or above on the ACTs. about my friend, she is going through a lot herself, she's having some seriously family problems and I think it's best if I don't use her shoulder to cry on, though I am not even sure if she'll accept me for who I really am. I mean, ever since we met (about 4 years), I don't think I've ever been completely truthful to her because I am always scared that she'll reject me for who I really am, since she really disappointed me before. I don't know if she's really trustworthy, frankly I don't want to know, she's really one of the only friends I have. My mom told me that if I really can't get into a good college she won't blame me because she knows I tried when I broke down. But I've come to realize that no matter what my parents say now, it's too late, because even if they can accept me for who I am, I, MYSELF can't. I won't accept myself for less.

The others have given you some good advice. You are right, you do need to step back and slow down. You are expecting too much of yourself at this point. You need to step back and find out what is important to you. You have made a step in the right direction by discussing your feelings here. The way you describe things, I can’t imagine you would be able to concentrate and get good grades. What are your goals? What do you want to do? Why are you where you are? What will make you happy? Happiness is a choice. Of course you want to please your parents. I tend to think your parents don’t realize the negative pressure they are putting you under. You need to tell them you feel overwhelmed by all that is going on. Tell them of your recent disappointments. Communication is the key to a good relationship. Now is the time to work on that communication and that relationship. You will be glad you did. If it doesn’t help, at least you know you have tried. Try to have an open mind to what they tell you…parents usually have good advice. That doesn’t mean you have to be their puppet. You have to live your own life, but listen to them If it is easier, write them a letter. Tell them you want to make them happy but also let them know what your desires are. Discuss these things and come to an agreement. Perhaps if you take fewer classes you will do better in school. Then maybe you can get to the college of your choice. You obviously have talent and ability. Don’t waste it. We need people like you. Give it your best, but don’t expect more of yourself than you can be. Try talking to your friend. If she is a true friend she will understand and support you. If not, she wasn’t a true friend. Confide in her a few less important things. Test your relationship. If she is trustworthy you will find yourself more comfortable discussing things with her. Don’t focus only on yourself though. Show interest in her and problems she may have. Perhaps she feels some of the same pressures you feel and is afraid to talk about it too. Last, but not least, ask God to help you through this. Find a good church to go to if you don’t have one and let God lead your life. He will give you happiness inside and set your life on the right path. …And if B- is the best grade

Dear Try So Hard,I am truly sorry for your troubles. I hope you will continue to vent this way when you feel the need. That alone might help you feel a little better. You are definitely caught between a rock and a hard place at the moment that is for sure. Know that you have people in your corner here who would like to help you if they could! Do write more if you want to and we will respond! Sincerely, Trisha

Trisha: After all these years, I really don't know what I want anymore. I want to feel better yet at the same time I just want to stay like this as a punishment for myself and others. In China, people have different beliefs than people here in US, even if I know someone there who I can confide in (and I don't), they will not sympathize me on what I've been going through. My parents tell me that too, they tell me constantly that if I become ill I will end up with nothing, yet they are still the ones who pressured me into everything. I mean, I'd rather become ill than not live up to their expectations. Bella: For my case, I am my grades, I don't have anything except for my grades. Really what do I have except for my grades? I have nothing, and my grades are everything to me, everything I have to get into a good college and not let my parents down. A wonderful human being, you see, practically everyone in this world is a wonderful human being, everyone that includes the homeless, the unemployed. What's good about being a wonderful human being when you can be so much more than that? Do I love studying, honestly, I don't. But I have to study, I have to force myself to in order to achieve what my parents want, and what I want, and should want. I am like any other teenage girls, I love to shop, I love to watch movies, and I love to hang out with friends, and these are my joys. But I won't have these joys in the future if I don't stride to become someone successful. Shopping, who doesn't like to shop? But my family is only burgeois people and what's so good about going to the malls when you can't buy anything? My parents tells me that shopping is "evil", because if I get addicted I'll stop studying and become one of those debauched teenagers, wonder aimlessly on the streets, shame for their parents. Movies, I don't have time to watch movies, and I shouldn't have. I go to the movie theater about 2 or 3 times a year literaly, I'd love to catch a movie, but in the future I will be watching all those movies if I get to be successful. Hanging out with friends. In 6th grade, I was actually a popular kid, I had loads of friends, and I was optimistic. But then, as time went on, I slowly isolated myself from the social jungle, and no matter how h

hello TrySoHard - you say your parents have imbued you with their idea(l) of happiness and you've followed it.... but it isn't making you happy! reading your story i am horrified that you are under so much pressure and have nowhere to turn. you are so young and to be under this much pressure most people couldn't take, even older people with more experience who have learnt some coping strategies. you are not your grades! your parents mean the best for you but are not getting that you are a wonderful human being, with or without the best grades/best college etc. you want to make your parents happy (and it seems you feel a lot of pressure from your dad in particular) but what they want may not be the best for you. it isn't fair to have others' expectations channelled into you - you are a person in your own right, put on this earth to make your unique mark. i don't live in your country but it sounds like it is a very competitive environment in school. there is no doubt that many kids around you will be suffering the same pressures and cracking under them - probably people from your community too. you won't be any 'good' to your parents if you crack up completely. do you love studying? perhaps you loved it once but have lost the love of it. if you don't love it and never did you will be operating from an area that isn't right for you and there is only so much blood you can squeeze out of a stone! if you love studying then you need to back off and find that love again, though it will probably take some time because you are so worn out. Please find someone (anyone) to offload onto who will give you the nurturing you need - we all need it and you do very much at the moment. my daughter is 17 and i see her going through the horrendous pressure of exams etc and i can't help thinking sometimes that it isn't worth it! but she loves studying so i support her but do all i can to lessen the pressure because a fulfilled person will do better in exams anyway! there is such a thing as joy and you have lost your joy possibly because you are 'trying so hard' to please other people, however well-intentioned they and you are. we each have to find what is right for us. write a list of what you love and what you love doing. jsut writing it will help to identify wh