Welcome, Angelique. :)
We'll do our best to help you, though we don't entertain crises of a suicidal nature, as I'm sure you can appreciate.
People have inner conversations with themselves. This is called self-talk. They are thoughts that we get and respond to. If the initial thought is replied to in a negative way, the inner conversation takes on a negative tone and it can quickly spiral downwards to the bottom where suicidal thoughts come in.
In order to improve this situation, we encourage people to challenge their negative thinking. So if your conversation begins by something innocent like "It's cloudy today," your next thought replies to it and begins the conversation. It can be negative like "Ya, well another lousy day with nothing to do," or it can be positive like "I won't let the dull day stop me from making plans." Of these two scenarios, do you see which one can lead into further negative thinking and the downward spiral?
It's not easy, but control of one's thoughts and turning them around takes a deliberate effort to be aware of them, plus an effort to change them.
Being alone during the day is not necessarily a bad thing. Do you relax from the stress at work, like by indulging in nice warm bubble baths? Or do you keep busy?
If you're going through medication change at the moment, tell yourself that they need time to work properly so you feel a little more stable. Get some rest, but see if you can challenge some of your negative thoughts, ok?
