Great post, stickin.
I raise my hand in agreeing with everything here. Especially if we've smoked for a very long time, in particular started in our teens when our emotions were all over the map to begin with. I seriously spent 20 years labelling myself as a 'type A personality' - always in a hurry, feeling a need to overachieve to be satisfied, easy to anger, easy to upset, you name it - like negative emotions on full volume. I felt such huge stress about everything and I thought it was just me. It wasn't me at all - I am a completely different person now. I let things slide, I choose my battles and find it's becoming the norm to be able to logically defend myself without getting really upset. I can walk away from people obviously trying to push my buttons. I don't automatically think 'what have I done to be put here / to make you treat me this way?' I think 'I don't deserve your irrationality; you are clearly not understanding my point, let me re-word it for you'. I confront and clear up, I no longer shout and storm off. Or clam up, stew and become bitter. I can identify and better yet walk away from a no win situation. That's what I wish every new quitter or person afraid to take the next step could fast forward to. It's not you at all, it's an addiction that has taken you over.
As long as cigarettes are easy to buy and are not classed as an illicit drug, people will fail to realise the power of the addiction to nicotine. 'If it's legal it mustn't be that bad' they say. Pity. And that nonchalance compounds the stress of a quitter, not only thinking they're giving up something they 'like' to do but in utter shock at how traumatic the early days can be. ('I knew it would be hard, but this is worse than HORRIBLE') That is a coating of withdrawal symptoms wrapped around and masking the root cause of what needs fixing - the emotional state, the ability to be calm and reasoned and rational. It's like an M&M - you have to wait to get through the outer coating before you reach the nice chocolate-y bit inside.
To be strong without that drug that defined us for so long is like being stripped bare and sent into the wilderness. But we are not Bear Grylls. We are naked and alone and being reborn into the life we should have had before we became addicts. Addict is such a harsh word and folks don't want to apply it to something perfectly legal. But this is nothing more than total denial. 'If it's legal it mustn't be that bad.' Oh. My.
So to answer your question, stickin - what's it to me? A past I'm so proud to have left behind me.
x T
My Mileage:My Quit Date: 1/1/2007
Smoke-Free Days: 1285
Cigarettes Not Smoked: 29,555
Amount Saved: �8,127.63
Life Gained:Days: 114
Hrs: 15
Mins: 14
Seconds: 34
